One in the Same
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: alternate ending to 'power inside of her' don't want to spoil it so just read and enjoy!
1. prologue

April/Zarr-Narron was out of control, but Mikey really didn't want to hurt April, she struggled in Raph's grasp.

"Mikey! Do it!" Raph commanded. Mikey raised his nunchuck, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Then she broke from his arms. Mikey watched in horror as his older brother was held in the air by April's powers, Mikey knew he was going to die, just like Donnie had died, and he could do nothing to stop it, but Raph managed two last words.

"Remember, Donnie." he choked out, and then *pop* he was gone too, just like that. But his words echoed through the city, and April suddenly seized the crystal, smashing it to the ground, and she dissolved into tears.

"I'm sorry, so sorry," she wept, Mikey knelt and patted her back, letting his own tears flow.

"It's ok, it's...not your fault." he said as Leo and Casey helped her up. She fixed her watery gaze on him.

"Yes it is." she said. "I let the crystal control me."

"Nah," Mikey said, "no, how could you have known April? It's ok, really…" but then April gasped.

"Guys! Raph and Donnie, they aren't dead!" Leo raised his eyebrow.

"Yes," he said gently, "we saw them die, you did too April." April shook her head.

"They weren't killed, they were just...cleansed."

"Uh, ok." Mikey said, "calm down." April grabbed the fragments of the crystal.

"I can feel them out there." she said, and closed her eyes, Leo and Casey backed up, but Mikey stayed close, in case Zarr-Narron came back. Suddenly, Mikey felt something in the air, like magic. High above them, where Donnie had died, a faint glow appeared, and right in front of them too. The glow's suddenly zoomed towards each other, meeting by the sidewalk, near a mailbox. They solidified and Mikey gasped as he saw two figures drop to the ground. One was tall and lanky, the other was short, and had big muscles.

"Donnie! Raph!" he cried out, running to them, April dropped the crystal and smiled as Mikey greeted his brothers in bear hugs. Then Mikey noticed something strange, Leo did too, they all did. Both of Raph and Donnie's masks had turned maroon.

"What the shell?" raph muttered, "don, we're, alive?"

"No." donnie said sarcastically, "we all died, yes we're alive shell brain!" Mikey felt his eyes watering with tears.

"I love you guys." he said, grabbing them by the neck and pulling both of them in.

"Wait," leo said, "why are your masks maroon?" raph and donnie looked at each other.

"Whoa," raph said, "that's,"

"Weird." donnie finished, "huh, must be from"

"whatever happened to us." raph said

"I can explain that." april said, "Zarr-Narron wanted to cleanse you, so she split you into hundreds of particles and spread you through the city, it'll probably take a while for your masks to look the same…"

"Cool." raph said, "I always liked maroon."

 _ **i know that these are way over done, but yes it's an alternate ending to 'power inside of her' here's the prologue!**_


	2. Chapter 1

_**okey dokey! second chapter! let's see what happens next!**_ _ **review**_ __ _ **response time!**_

 _ **Musical ninja- thanks for reviewing, and i also thought about the many possible things that may have happened differently in 'the power inside of her' so, i wrote this and a few others that are not going to be shared, yet.**_

 _ **popcornwolf10- i'm glad you enjoyed this, here's the next chapter!**_

Raph rubbed his eyes, Leo had insisted that they rest, a ton, before beginning training again. He looked over at the cot next to him. Leo was also making both of them sleep in the lab, in case Donnie needed to do anything random.

"Still awake?" Donnie asked.

"Yeah." Raph replied, "I can't sleep for more than nine hours at a time Donnie, I wish Leo would just let us train."

"I know what you mean." Donnie responded, "I really feel like battle training for some reason."

"Heh," Raph said, "maybe you ain't a lost cause little bro."  
"Ha ha" Donnie replied, "I still love science stuff too." Raph shrugged.

"Who knows, maybe you'll grow out of it." he joked, but they all knew Donnie would always be the smart one.

"Hey bro's!" Mikey said, barging in with a bowl of soup in each hand, "want some soup?" Raph's stomach churned at the thought of eating more than he'd already been forced to.

"That would be the fifth bowl," he pointed out, "do you want me to explode?"

"Well, no." Mikey said, his face falling, and raph realised it had been a stupid thing to say.

"I'm sorry." he said, "but I really can't eat anymore."

"Me either." Donnie declared, "you've stuffed us Mikey."

"Kinda like my iguana." Mikey suggested, "with the monocle" he pronounced the word, 'mon-akle' and Raph rolled his eyes.

"Monocle." he corrected, Mikey shrugged.

"Whatever." he said, "hey guys, April's coming over, do you think you're up for it?" they both sat straight up, finally, something that wasn't sitting around all day.

"Absolutely!" they said in unison. Mikey looked a little creeped out by that, but grinned.

"Then get yo' shell outta bed bro's!" he said, "Leo say's you can." he added. Raph and Donnie climbed out of the cots and followed Mikey into the living room. April was already there.

"Hey guys." she said, looking sheepish, "you ok?"

"Fine!" Raph assured her, "absolutely,"

"Spiffy!" Donnie finished, April exchanged a glance with Leo who shrugged.

"So Raph." Casey said, leaning on the wall, "got all your particles replaced?" Raph rolled his eyes.

"I don't need them replaced." he said, "she didn't erase any, that I know of, she just split them apart and back together, like radio waves." all of them but Donnie looked really confused, but he ignored it, if they didn't care it wasn't his problem.

"Yeah." Donnie said, "we're perfectly,"

"Fine." raph finished. donnie laughed.

"You need to stop doing that." don said, "are you psychic too?"

"No." raph said, "I think." Donnie shrugged.

"I'll look into it later." he said, "right now we can chillax!"

"Nice." raph said, "anyone up for a mega video game off?"

"Yeah bro!" Mikey said, running for the controls, "I can hook up two game consoles so we can all battle!" leo shrugged.

"Sounds fun to me." he says, "teams?"

"I call donnie!" Raph shouted, plopping next to his brother on the couch,

"we'll cream you guys!" donnie exclaimed, fist bumping raph.

"I call leo then!" Mikey said, while he was busy untangling wires. Casey shrugged.

"Guess it's you and me red." he said, april smiled.

"Ok." she said, sitting on the couch next to him, usually, donnie would look at this arrangement suspiciously, but he doesn't.

"Three teams of two then!" Mikey said happily, "this is gonna be great!" after ten minutes of mikey, raph and donnie trying to get the consoles plugged in, it was ready. Roah gripped his controller tightly, and glanced at donnie,he was smirking.

"This'll be a cinch." he said, raph nodded. Mikey started the game and Raph quickly surveyed the arena, he was across the arena from donnie, but that was ok. They seemed to know exactly what the other was going to do, and did something to compliment that. Donnie ran at Leo. Raph ran at Mikey. Casey and April teamed up against the two of them, as they made it clear that they were being complete warlords. While the others shouted at each other about what they were doing, Raph and Donnie stayed silent, giving them a huge advantage. The others kept shooting startled looks in their direction, only to see them with narrowed eyes, seemingly concentrated on the game, none of them picked up any signals they might have sent to each other. It wasn't soon until they won.

"Yeah!" Raph shouted, high three donnie, "we creamed em!"

"I told you we would." Donnie said, "that was awesome!"

"How did you do that?" Mikey asked, staring at them, "you didn't even talk to each other!" Raph and Donnie exchanged a confused glance.

"I dunno, I guess we just, knew what we were doing." Raph said, shrugging. Donnie nodded.

"Maybe we're such good ninja's we don't need to talk." he said, and High threed raph.

"You guys, annoy me." Mikey said, "as of today." the others murmured agreement.

"What?" Raph said, getting defensive, "it's just a game anyway, come on donnie, if these guys are gonna be dip wads about it we don't have to stick around." Donnie followed him without a second glance.

"Uh, was that weird to any of you?" Mikey asked as they closed the doors to the lab. Raph leaned against the table and donnie sat at his computer.

"What is up with those guys?" he said angrily, "it's not like we, i dunno,"

"Changed?" donnie asked, "I think they do think that."

"Oh," Raph reflected back on the past days, "Wow, we did change!" Donnie nodded.

"I was just going with it." he said "but think, I have to admit we've changed a bit." Raph grinned.

"This is so cool, it's like," he searched for words, "when april put us back together we mixed!"

"Exactly." Donnie said, "now we each have a bit of each other's personality and skill." Raph nodded, an idea forming in his mind.

"I just got a great idea!" he exclaimed,

"What," donnie said, "totally psych the guys out by taking full advantage of this? I like it." Raph grinned.

"So, we also have a,"

"Telepathic link?" Donnie asked, "seems like it." Raph grinned.

"This is so cool." he said, Donnie nodded.

"Plus, since we have a telepathic link and stuff, you can help me with this experiment!" raph shrugged.

"Why not?" Raph turned to his younger brothers desk and helped him with his work.

Leo looked in the lab and stared, Raph was helping Donnie, with an experiment.

"Ok, put that mutagen in the beaker raph." Donnie instructed, Raph rolled his eyes.

"I know you dummy." Leo frowned, how did raph know?

"I just like messing with you." Donnie laughed, "sorry." leo narrowed his eyes, what was going on? He stepped inside.

"Raph, could i talk to you?" he asked, both his younger brothers looked over.

"What is it leo?" donnie asked, leo gestured for raph to come over to him.

"Raph." he repeated. "can i talk to you?" the two looked at each other.

"Why not both of us?" Raph asked, leo raised his eye ridge and raph sighed. "Be right back donnie." he sighed. He walked over to leo. "What do you want fearless?" leo looked at his younger brother in concern, his mask, after a few days, was still maroon, donnie's was too. And his eyes...they were a darker shade of green.

"Are you and don ok?" he asked, Raph rolled his eyes.

"We're fine!" he snapped, "what's up leo?"

"Ok," leo said, and frowned. "Raph, are you ok, just you?" Raph looked at him.

"What the shell kind of question is that?" raph snapped, "don and i are busy leo, maybe you should go meditate or something!" he turned his back and leo watched his brother walk away, _something's not right._ He thought to himself, _but what?_


	3. Chapter 2

_**alrighty! here's the wonderful *cough* chapter two! i know i'm moving fast but i am horrible at writing fluff. anyway...thanks for the reviews guys and tell me how you like this chapter!**_

"Dudes," mikey whispered, "this is creepy." they were peeking into the dojo while Raph and Donnie trained,a strange combination, the nerd and the muscle training together.

"Yeah." casey whispered, "what the heck are they even doing?" the two maroon masked ninjas were almost perfectly matched, which was strange even in itself, but they were also almost mindless, which was creepier. April chose then to walk in.

"Guys? What are you doing?" she asked, they all spun around.

"Wh-what? Nothing!" leo said, "just…." april raised her eyebrows.

"Where are raph and donnie?" she asked, leo and casey exchanged glances. "And casey, you usually wait for me, where were you?"

"I came early." casey explained, "cuz...they wanted me to try and snap those two out of it." he gestured to the dojo, april walked over and looked into the dojo.

"Oook, that's not creepy at all."

"Yeah, it actually is." Mikey informed her, she rolled her eyes.

"I know." she said, mikey looked confused but didn't reply, leo sighed.

"I don't get what's up with them, what do you think april?" he asked, spreading his hands to show he had no clue what to do, "i mean, they've been acting strange but this...this is weird."

"What's weird leonardo?" leo spun around, Raph and donnie were standing in the entrance to the dojo. "Did you want to join us? You would have been welcome." there was sincerity in his eyes, but also something different.

"Yeah, we would have gone easy on you." Donnie smirked, april closed her eyes and then gasped.

"Guys."

"What?" casey asked as donnie and raph walked to the kitchen, april's eyes were wide with fear.

"There's something wrong with them."

"We already figured that out." leo said, "Sorry april, but what is it?"

"They….it's my fault." april sighed, her shoulders slumping, "when i fixed them after zarr narron, uh, cleansed them, i wasn't careful enough!'

"What do you mean?" leo asked, getting worried, "what happened?"

"They...i dunno, but something went way wrong, if i don't fix it-"

"Fix it?" casey asked, "how would you fix them?"

"Fix what?" donnie asked, poking his head out, "leo did you break the toaster again?"

"Uhm, if i did that's not what we're talking about." leo said evasively, "nothing don, it doesn't matter." the maroon masked ninja narrowed his eyes.

"Ok, but if you need us raph and i are gonna fix the toaster." he gave leo a look as they emerged carrying the broken appliance.

"How does fearless manage this?" raph wondered aloud as they went to the lab, leo blushed and rubbed his neck as april facepalmed.

"Ok, do they have super hearing or something?" casey asked, "what the heck?"

"Casey." splinter said, "leonardo, what is going on?"

"Sensei…" leo said, should they tell him?

"It's donnie and raph sensei." Mikey butted in, "they're going totally nutso." splinter raised his eyebrow. "They're just being really weird and april says something's wrong."

"I see." splinter said, stroking his beard, "is it possible they don't realise what is happened? Why don't you ask them if you can try to help." he looked at april. "I trust you, april, keep my sons safe."

"Of course." april said, "i'll try, but it's my fault in the first place what if i can't fix them?" splinter put his paw on her shoulder.

"I believe in you," he said, "try your best april." he looked at all of them, "Something tells me she will have help, everyone try their best."

"Hai sensei." leo said, bowing, "should we talk to them now?"

"Let them finish fixing the toaster first." splinter said, smiling, "then you may talk to them." leo blushed sheepishly.

"Hai sensei."

"That should do it." Donnie said, screwing the last bolt in place, "new and improved."

"Hey good work there donnie." raph said from where he was sitting, "so, what's with all the extra metal?" donnie looked at the table.

"Oh, well i improved it." he elaborated, "so i just added some kraang technology to make it toast more evenly and quickly, watch." he slipped a slice of bread in and in only a few second it popped out almost a perfect shade of golden brown.

"Sweet." Raph said, "let's tell leo that if he breaks this one he gets to do the repairs." donnie laughed.

"You kidding? He'd probably wage war on the whole of the toaster spectrum!" the two brothers paused as they heard a growl of annoyance, it seemed that someone was eavesdropping.

 _I knew it_ raph thought spitefully, _they don't trust us._

 _Give them time._ Donnie replied, _they'll just have to accept who we are_ _._

"You two done?" leo called in, the two exchanged a look and walked out.

"Yeah, here." donnie said, "handing his older brother the toaster, "it's new and improved."

"I heard." leo admitted, "splinter wanted to see you in the dojo." raph looked at don.

 _Whaddya think?_

 _I don't think they're going to attack us or freak out if that's what you mean. C'mon splinter always does stuff like this, just because we're different doesn't mean they are._

 _Fine._ the two walked into the dojo, and, as raph had suspected, Mikey, april, and casey were standing next to splinter, leo walked in moments later and closed the door, then he stood in front of the two and folded his arms.

"What do you want fearless?" raph growled under his breath, "got a problem?" leo sighed.

"Look-"

"Guys." April said, walking forward, "how are you feeling?" this took them aback, and they looked at each other, green meeting brown.

"Fine." they said in unison, "why?" april looked unnerved.

"You just seem...different." she said, "don't you notice?" raph sighed.

"Look April, sometimes people change,"

"And you can't do anything to change it back." donnie finished, "we're still your brothers."

"Are you?" leo asked, "because something's going on and i want to know what!"

"That's just like you leo!" raph shouted, losing his temper, "you always think you know everything and can solve every problem, even ones that don't exist!"

"Yeah! We're fine!" donnie added, "if you guys think we have a problem spit it out!" leo and April fell silent, but mikey narrowed his eyes.

"there's something off about you two." he muttered, "that's what." the orange masked turtle walked up to them, "for one thing, you're masks fell off when you got zapped," he thrusted his fist forward and the two masks fell to the ground, "but now you have maroon ones, for another thing," he paused for effect, "you guys have been acting weird, talking in unison, no talking at all, just looking at each other, and then april tried to read your minds and found out that something bad happened, so cut out the act!" the two maroon masked turtles were surprised, and then donnie scowled.

"What's it to you Michelangelo?" he hissed, "why did it take you guys a week to think of all this? You just want to make trouble, all of you!"

"Donnie please." April said, "just tell us what's going on!" Donnie was slightly unnerved for a moment.

"Whatever april!" raph growled, "what does it matter to you? Do you wish we were still a quantum smear?" april's face crumpled.

"Of course not." she replied, "we just want to make sure you're ok." Donnie looked pleadingly at raph.

 _Come on, we might as well tell them why we're different._

 _Why does it matter? Like you said, if they care they won't mind._

 _but it's their nature to want to understand!_

 _Fine, but you get to explain_ _._

"Ok." donnie said, holding up his hands, "we'll explain."

"But you guys have to let him talk without interrupting." raph growled, "and not freak out at us, sit down." they all sat, including raph and Donnie. Donnie took a breath.

"Ok, so, april." april looked at him, "when you saved us, because if we'd stayed in that state for much longer we would have severe brain damage, so thank you, well, you accidentally mixed us and now we act more like each other, share the same knowledge, things like that." he glanced at raph.

 _They don't need to know about the telepathic link_

 _Alright_

"Whoa." Mikey whispered, "that's like science fiction guys!" then he laughed, "he, Daphnie, let's call them that."

"You do and we both tear your shell of!" raph growled, suddenly ruthless, the two jumped to their feet, Mikey stared at them in shock.

"It was a joke."

"raph , donnie, calm down.," leo said, standing between the two of them and mikey, "he was kidding around." donnie turned to raph.

"Maybe you were right." he said, "maybe they'll never understand."

"We don't understand." leo agreed, "but we want to help you guys through this." raph scowled.

"Whaddya mean fearless? We're perfectly fine!"

"I can change you back." april explained, "make you normal again." raph stared at her, then at leo.

"Are you guys serious?"

"Yeah, we're fine this way!" donnie exclaimed, "we don't need fixing!"

"I told you!" raph growled to his brother, "i told you they'd freak out."

"My sons." Splinter said, coming forward at last, "you must know it is not healthy for your minds, body, or spirits to remain this way." Raph and donnie looked at each other yet again.

 _Of course he's on leo's side._

 _Well, maybe he's right… maybe this isn't healthy._

 _Silence!_ Both of them flinched, surprised by the new voice in their heads, _you both know this is your destiny._

 _Zarr narron._ Donnie realised too late.

"April!" then his eyes went white, "stay away from both of us!" he growled, storming out with Raph at his side.

Mikey ran after the two of them, then stopped and stared as they rose into the air, eyes glowing like april's had.

"Oh no." April whimpered, "I didn't just mix them...it's her."

"Shell." leo whispered, "oh this is really bad."

"Pathetic mortals." their brothers sneered in unison, not in their own voices, "you should have known it wouldn't be that easy, now we will finish what you started!"

"Raph! Donnie!" Mikey yelled, "Stop!"

"Why?" now it was his brothers voices, mixed as they spoke in unison, "the power is so great! We could do anything, we can make the humans accept us, we can go out in the daytime and feel the sun, we can make it so we don't have to hide anymore michelangelo! Join us!" Mikey felt his head whirl, the sun, being free, it was almost unimaginable, but his heart told him it was the wrong choice, his brothers looked disgusted before he even answered.

"Never."

"We thought that even you were smarter than that." they growled, "fine, what about you leonardo? You always wanted to find another home, we can see our thoughts whirling, you hate being trapped in the sewers of new york, join us and you'll be free."

"Never!" leo shouted, making mikey relieved, at least he had leo to fight beside.

"Hamato yoshi." they said, mikey felt dread settle in his heart. "You can be human again, join us and you will get revenge on the shredder, on oroku saki." for one horrible moment, Mikey saw hope in his father's eyes, but then splinter shook his head.

"I have a new family, and revenge never bodes well, get out of my sons zarr narron!"

"It's not just her splinter!" raph yelled, "we're sick of this!" he grinned, "and now we can put an end to it."


	4. Chapter 3

_**alrighty! time to answer an**_ _ **incredibly**_ __ _ **sweet review.**_

 _ **cutegenius- I'll just start and say you thought about this a lot more than i did, especially in certain, er, topics, but anyway, Donnie and Raph do not share bodies, they simply**_ _ **acquired**_ __ _ **a few of each others different aspects and talents. the telepathic link is purely in thoughts and only ones they wish to share. in saying this, they do not share any dreams. at all. that's just a little too invading I mean, they could, btu neither of them would try. on your other point, their family was at first confused and wanted to understand why their brothers suddenly seemed closer, they didn't**_ _ **necessarily**_ __ _ **want it to stop, but then april**_ _ **realized**_ __ _ **there was something dark in their minds, and that was why they wanted to help. of course their family wants them to be happy! and sorry there wasn't more bro time, i**_ _ **originally**_ __ _ **wanted this to be a one shot, but ended up making it have three chapters and a**_ _ **prologue**_ _ **, which means yes, sadly, this is the final chapter. unless you want some aftermath in an**_ _ **epilogue**_ __ _ **or something, in which case please review and tell me!**_

 _ **thanks for all the amazing reviews**_ _ **and**_ __ _ **don't hesitate to do more!**_

Oh crap, oh crap. April thought as they backed away from the two possessed turtles, this is all her fault, she did this to them. Her eyes met splinters.

 _I trust you._

April narrowed her eyes in determination, she could fix this, she had to fix this. She closed her eyes and backed against the wall.

"Uh, hey april?" Mikey laughed nervously, "you did say you knew how to fix it right? Because i was pretty sure i heard you say that." april took a deep breath.

"I think i can, it's be easier if they were willing but-"

"You figure that we totally aren't?" donnie laughed, "good reasoning april o'neil."

"Stop this!" leo yelled, brandishing his katana, "donnie, focus! You can break free!" April wondered why leo didn't ask raph to do the same, but pushed the thought to the back of her mind as she tried to break into her friend's heads.

"My sons!" splinter shouted, "Stop this!"

"Sensei!" leo yelled, april tried to block out the noise to no avail, "get to the dojo! You're leg isn't healed enough!"

"Raph, c'mon snap out of it!" casey begged his friend, april heard his smack against the far wall and focused harder, then grew aware that mikey was standing over her.

"Come on april, you can do this." he said, "i know you can do this." she could feel the youngest turtle's mind spinning in fear and confusion, but the most prominent emotion was hope, she grabbed his three fingered hand.

"Mikey focus." she whispered, "we have to work together." Mikey seemed confused but closed his eyes and focused on breaking through the barrier inside his older brother's mind.

 _C'mon raph, you can do this._

April could sense that mikey's mind was powerful, she'd sensed it when they were trying to save him from the tiny aliens, but had remained silent for his sake, now it seemed he realized his mental ability. They broke through and saw the inside of Donnie's mind, he was frozen in fear as he controlled himself, zarr narron egging him on. His eyes met hers.

"April!" he shouted, "april help! Mikey…?"

"Get out of here!" zarr narron shrieked, "how did you get here?" April focused her energy to smite the alien being, but she sent up a shield. "Donatello." the alien crooned, "your father attempts to escape."

"Donnie! No!" Mikey shouted, running forward, april lunged for the young turtles arm, but he dodged and ran past zarr narron somehow, the alien turned as Mikey wrapped his arms around Donnie's neck. "Come on donnie." hope flashed off the younger turtle like fireworks, "you can defeat her." Donnie smiled at the younger turtle and returned the embrace. Zarr narron shrieked and disappeared in a flash, April felt a horrible feeling of foreboding. They woke from their meditative trance as donnie fell from where he'd been floating in the air, leo caught him.

"Don?"

"Leo." Donnie croaked, "she...she left, she's gone, but raph...oh no." they all turned to raph who was rising further into the air, his face a mix of panic and anger.

"Curse you Donatello!" he shouted, "what happened to us? We were closer than we'd ever been! You ruined it!"

"Raph!" Casey shouted, "raph come on!" the hotheaded turtle spun.

"Casey?" uncertainty entered his voice, "casey what the shells going on?"

"Raph!" april shouted, "you have to let me enter your mind!"

"Never!" he spat, and raised his hand, april felt mikey rise into the air from beside her.

"No!" she yelled, but mikey didn't shout in terror, he looked down at april.

"April," he said, "how did i do that? In donnie's head? It was like, i'm strong, but i'm not as strong as raph."

"Yes you are!" Leo shouted, "April what the shell is going on?"

"I'll explain later." April sighed, she could feel herself getting tired, but she couldn't let raph get hurt, she knew exactly how he felt.

"Later." raph scoffed, "mortals think time is nothing! A few seconds, just a minute, you have no idea what time is!"

"Raph!" Mikey shouted, "I know zarr narron is controlling you!" april furrowed her brow, "but i also know you would never hurt me!"

"Silence!" Raph snarled, but he seemed worried, "you never understood me Mikey!"

"You called me mikey." the freckle faced turtle said triumphantly, "so she doesn't have that big of a hold on you." then his face fell, "but that means…"

"Raph." Leo said, "raph come on!"

"I'm done with you leonardo." Raph snarled, landing heavily on the ground, "just let me go!"

"Raph." April said firmly, "i want to ask you something." raph looked confused, but turned. "What was the last thing you said before you were…'cleansed' when i was possessed?

"Remember…." raph's eyes widened and he dropped to his knees, clutching his head, "donnie…" tears streamed down his cheeks with the exertion, then he tilted his head back and screamed. Mikey jumped back, having fallen to the ground, and april walked forward, concentrating, zarr narron rose out of the terrapins body and shrieked at her.

"What have you done?"

"Saved my friends!" april shouted back, raising her hand, zarr narron dissipated in a bright flash and april ran to raph's side. "Raph, are you ok?" he moaned, and opened his eyes.

"April!" he gasped, "april, it's not your fault." april was taken aback.

"What?"

"Raph, it's ok." leo soothed, kneeling beside him, "she's gone." donnie helped raph sit up and their eyes connected, his mouth twitched.

Donnie realized with a start that their telepathic link had survived the invasion of an alien mind.

 _You ok?_

 _Do you have to ask?_

The olive skinned turtle smiled at his brother and helped him stand.

"Of course i don't have to ask." he said aloud, "but i want to."


	5. Chapter 4

_**ok...in**_ _ **response**_ _ **to reviews i started an**_ _ **epilogue**_ _ **...which turned into a fourth chapter and a fifth will follow. curse my creativity! *shakes fist* anyway...here's chapter four or 'One in the Same'! enjoy!**_

Donatello and Raphael sat side by side on the couch, Don was messing around with a small gadget while Raph sat with his head in his hands, and his elbows on his knees, looking at the floor. Leo was currently pacing back and forth in a long, drawn out lecture.

"I mean, it was a bit important that you had a telepathic link guys, not to mention zarr narron in your heads, why'd you keep that from us?" donnie looked up from the gadget.

"Oh, because we _wanted_ to be possessed leo. It looked like _so_ much fun when april tried it." the now purple masked turtle rolled his eyes and Mikey burst out into laughter. Leo seemed unsure whether his brother was kidding or not. So Donatello continued, "leo, if we'd known she was in our heads we never would have kept it from you, but we just wanted to mess around a bit with the telepathic link. We never wanted this to happen ok?"

"So, you do still have the link?" leo wondered, donnie sighed.

"Yes, we do, see, april didn't separate us, in fact, she only removed the avon. Nothing else. It's exactly the same as it was when it started." he began working again, "why?" the leader in blue cast a worried glance at his red masked brother.

"Just wondering." he replied. Mikey followed leo's gaze and jumped over, landing next to Raph.

"You ok pal?" he asked, putting a comforting hand on his brothers shell, Raph lifted his head and looking into the baby blue eyes of his brother, guilt wracked his body and he slumped forward, bending almost in half. "Take that as a no?" Donnie looked at his brother in concern.

 _Raph? You ok?_

 _Don't you get it? It's everything but ok._ Raph responded waspishly. Donnie sighed and looked at leo, shrugging.

 _If you don't want help then, but maybe talk to april. She would understand more than any of us._ Raph lifted his head again and seemed to contemplate this, leo seemed annoyed but said nothing.

 _Maybe i will._ Raph sat up and rubbed his eyes, Leo's gaze flicked from one brother to the other.

"So...feeling better?" he asked, Raph shrugged.

"Yeah, i guess." he said, "sorry guys i guess I'm still a little out of it."

"Makes sense." Donnie reasoned, "seeing how you were possessed by an alien about, oh i dunno, seven hours ago? Give or take-"

"A few minutes." Raph finished, giving half a smile. "I know don."

"Right." donnie said, looking sheepish. "Sorry." he looked yet again down at the thing he was working on and Raph grimaced when his other brothers looked away for whatever reason. He stood abruptly.

"Splinter's in the dojo?" he asked, the other three turtles seemed a bit surprised, but Leo nodded. Raph nodded and walked out of the room, into the dojo. Leo looked questioningly at Donnie, who stared back innocently for a moment before sighing.

"Leo, I am _not_ going to spy on Raph for you, for one thing, i can't. For another thing, i wouldn't. Ok?" mikey evidently saw an argument in the making and excused himself to make a pizza.

"Fine." Leo snorted, "but i want to understand what's going on with him."

"Cut the guy some slack leo." donnie said quietly, leo jerked his head up and narrowed his eyes. "We don't know half of what he's been through. Give him some space."

"What _he's_ been through?" leo echoed disbelieving, "you have to be kidding. Don't you guys have that link?" donnie sighed.

"Yeah, but i don't pry. He lets me see what he wants me to see. In return, i let him see i what i want him to see. I can only tell he's a troubled guy. So like i said before, cut him some slack."

Raph knelt in front of splinter and opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it again. Donnie was right, he could tell enough of what was going through Raph's mind to tell what was troubling him. And he was right about april too, she had the same guilt, probably more. Raph got to his feet and walked out while his father was still in a deep trance, Leo and Donnie were arguing so he managed to sneak out without them noticing. Raph walked through the sewers for a while, finding himself walking towards April's house. He peeked above the street, it was evening, that was ok, not too dark or too light out. The red masked turtle jumped onto the street and almost immediately onto the fire escape of the nearest building. He scaled the building quickly and stood on the rooftop for a while. Then he reached out to his brother, wondering how far away they had to be to make the link stop working.

 _Don? You there?_

 _Huh? Raph! Are you ok?_

 _Yeah...i guess_

 _Where the shell are you? Leo's on a rampage!_

 _I bet._

 _I'm serious raph! Everyone's worried, sensei says you never talked to him! Where are you?_

 _Out._

 _That's not an answer raph._

 _Who are you? Leo?_

 _The word is worried raph, at least tell me where you are!_

 _Out._

 _Raph._

 _Fine, i'm going to april's house, gonna talk and then maybe hang with casey for a bit. Tell mother hen that i'm gonna be fine._

 _Fine. see you raph,_

Donnie's mind left and raph turned to the horizon. He could see April's house a block away and sighed again, he was horrible at words, granted, not as bad as donnie was, though he didn't have a crush on the girl, he still sucked at this whole 'feelings' thing. He shrugged it off and ran over the rooftop. He jumped across the street, barely making it to the other side, he caught himself and pulled himself up with his arms, taking a moment to appreciate how strong he was, and then he was going again, he found himself sitting on the roof of April's apartment and sighed. What was he gonna say?

' _i almost reduced my brother to a quantum smear, kinda like what you did to me, any pointers?'_

Yeah, he wasn't _that_ insensitive. Raph shook his head, this wasn't the right plan. But he was spotted anyway.

"Oh! Hi raph!" April called, Raph turned, she was just inside the door to the stairs. "I was gonna look at the stars, do you need something?" april walked to him and studied his face. "Or do you want some space?"

"April-" Raph sighed, "how do you do it?" April's brow creased in confusion.

"Do what?"

"Deal with the-" raph held his hands in front of him and stared at them as if he could get an answer there, "deal with the guilt?" he asked, April sighed.

"Oh, that." the redhead said, and looked at the sky. "It's...hard." she admitted, "i stay awake at night thinking that if i hadn't sensed you and donnie, you would have died, i can hardly live with that guilt."

"What about.." raph hesitated, "what about the feeling you had while you did it? How do you deal with that guilt?" april frowned deeper.

"Feeling?" she echoed, "i...i didn't feel anything, no joy, no sadness, no anger, i wasn't in control." Raph growled in annoyance and turned away, running an agitated hand over his hairless head. "What raph?"

"I don't get it." he mustered out, "how did you do that?"

"Do what?" april was confused even more now.

"Devoid yourself of emotion?"

"It wasn't my choice." april said, looking carefully at raph, "why?" Raph growled in frustration again and sighed, spreading his hands helplessly.

"What do you think?" he sighed, "i almost killed Mikey, April,. I almost killed my baby brother!" April took in a breath. "I almost reduced him to a quantum smear and he doesn't even know it, the worst part is…" raph stopped, "is that...i knew what i was doing and i wanted to do it. How is that fair? You don't have that guilt april, it's only me."

"Raph-" april said, reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder, "it wasn't your fault, Zarr Narron was controlling you.

"More like egging me on." Raph growled, "it was like some part of me actually wanted this, that i wanted to kill my family, part of me hated-still hates, donnie for getting in our way and escaping her control, another part of me is jealous." his voice grew bitter. "Did you notice that leo only begged him? He only wanted Donnie to come back, he ignored me until Donnie was ok, and then i bet it was for hi good, not mine."

"Raph." April said softly, "I'm sure leo loves you just as much as he loves Donnie and Mikey."

"That's the other thing!" Raph said, "if he does he shouldn't! I don't deserve it! I hate myself april." he whispered, "i hate what i did," the red masked turtle looked at his hands, "i hate that i wanted to kill mikey, i hated that my soul was so tainted she took control easily, Donnie was fighting her the whole time, but that part of me...he took control, it was me april." the hot headed turtle said, almost sobbed, "it was me."

 _ **looks like Raph's having a guilt problem...what will happen next? ooooooh...! (cheesy i know) anyway, until next time- au revoir!**_


	6. Epilogue

_**ok, *sniff* this...**_ _ **this**_ _ **is the last chapter of one in the same! *blows nose* i know it's a sucky chapter, but you don't ahve to read it if you don't want to. please read and review!**_

Donnie paced back and forth agitatedly, Raph wasn't back yet, but April had texted them, he had been at her house for a while before he left.

"Can't you just ask him to come back?" Leo asked in annoyance, watching the genius pace.

"Not if he's blocking me Leo, why is he blocking me?"

"Whoa. Dude. Chill." Mikey said, "he'll be back." Donnie threw up his hands.

"What if he doesn't? I didn't read his mind but I know he feels guilty about _something!"_

"Donnie." leo said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "he will come back."

"Glad you have so much faith in me." A voice mumbled, "where was that five hours ago?"

"What are you talking about?" Leo asked, Donnie winced, here comes the argument.

"Nothing." Raph mumbled, but.

 _Is he saying he didn't realize what he did?_ The hot head though angrily

 _And….what did he do?_ Donnie responded, searching his brothers face, which quickly contorted with rage, to the purple masked turtle's surprise, he felt a flame of anger build in his own chest, this was leo, of course he'd done something.

 _You mean even you don't know don?!_

 _Well, i don't know...specifically, but i assume it's important._

 _Shell right it's important!_

"Well," Leo said, stepping between them and breaking their eye connection, not that it halted the flow of angry thoughts coming into Donnie's head. "I love the fact that you two seem so connected." he seemed annoyed, "but would you like to share with the class what you're talking about?" Donnie frowned.

"Leo-"

"What?" leo asked, offended, "i just want to know what's bothering you!" he pointed a finger at Raph with the word 'you'. Raph scowled. "You said i didn't have faith in you five hours ago or something!"

"You mean you forgot?" Raph did air quotes when he said the word, "that you hate me?" Donnie gasped at the emotions pouring into his head, hurt, betrayal, fear, guilt.

"I hate you." leo repeated, "how many times, Raphael! I do not hate you!" Donnie's vision shifted, he was...seeing through Raph's eyes? This was new. Only, this was earlier...he was focused on leo's face, his eyes blazed with hatred and his expression contorted in fury as he yelled from the ground for him to stop this...for Raph to stop this. Then his vision returned to the present where the two eldest turtles stood staring at each other, Raph's face was a mask of anger, but Donnie could sense the emotions underneath.

"Raph-" he began, but the hothead ignored him, instead continuing on.

"Isn't that funny Don? He 'doesn't hate me'" the red masked turtle sneered, "isn't that funny Donatello?"

"But-" Raph ignored Donnie yet again and as he continued, Donatello's panic grew, and his mind became more swamped with his angry brother's thoughts and emotions.

"Well let me remind you leo," the turtle spread his hands as if showing something, "do you really think i didn't see the look on your face when you glared at me? Do you think i noticed you didn't even try to reason with me until DOnnie was ok? You think i didn't notice that?"

"Raph!" Leo seemed alarmed now, surprised by the sudden outburst that had, in the last few days, become rare, "i don't-" But Raph wasn't going to back down, not yet. He shook as he threw his hands in the air.

"Don't what leonardo? Do you think i wanted to attack you guys?" Donnie gasped as the guilt crashed through, making his heart pound, "do you think i wanted to almost kill Mikey? Huh?"

"What-"

"Well here's a news flash for you Leo! I didn't! I still don't so you can just take your hatred and Direct it somewhere else because-" Raph stopped as Donnie placed a hand on his shoulder, tears flowing freely past the purple mask on his face. Donnie focused, praying he was doing the right thing and forced every ounce of emotion he had received back to his brother.

"uh...Don? Raph?"

 _What are you...please stop donnie i don't want it back._ Raphael though pleadingly, _please-_

 _It's yours._ Donnie responded, however much it pained him. If his studies on the mind were correct Raph couldn't stay angry for very long with so much guilt and sorrow mixed in, if he was wrong, goodbye new york.

 _I don't want it._ The red masked turtle insisted, trying to push it out, _i don't-_

"Augh!" he shouted, driving his fist into the ground. Leo was standing over them, shocked, as Donnie fell to his knees as well.

"You don't need to hide it Raph." he insisted, "i saw it, i understand so you don't have to hide it anymore."

"I-i-"

"Raph! Are you ok?" mikey's voice shouted from the door of the kitchen, "what's going on?"

"Mikey." Raph stuttered weakly, "i didn't mean to- i didn't want to- it was-" the he shook his head, "leo's right."

"I am. I am?" Leo sounded thoroughly confused by this point. "Can anyone here tell me what just happened?" for once, Donatello felt sorry for his oldest brother, he didn't respond to sound smart, as he so often did, but to ease the confusion and pain that must be in Leo's heart.

"Raph hides his emotions, which we already know, and he feels guilty for everything and he thinks you hated him for it, he pushes every emotion except anger out so he can focus on something remotely stable, and those other emotions got pushed into me this time, because of the link, and i pushed them back so he wouldn't do anything he regrets." he was smart enough not to say, 'again'.

"Ooook." though leo still sounded confused, "Raph, are you ok?"

"So now he's a wise guy." Raph muttered, flexing his bruised knuckles. "Geez i dunno leo, would you be ok if-?" he stopped. "No."

"TIME OUT!" Mikey shouted as he jumped into the pit, "why does anyone feel guilty? We know it was all that avon thingy right?" Donnie frowned, Raph met his gaze.

 _Not all of it, at least for me._

 _Me too._ Donnie felt Raph's surprise and then looked at his knees.

"Guys, zarr narron doesn't control you completely, even with april she did not. April has a very caring heart, she told me that she had somehow believed she was helping us when she tried to cleanse us, but when she realized what it did she started to snap out of it, raph helped that along too."

"Uh…"

"With me, she told me i could finally be as powerful, if not more, as all of you." Donnie couldn't lift his gaze from his knees to meet his brothers. "I've always felt weak next to you, but as soon as i understood what was happening i panicked and that's when april managed to hijack my head."

"Ok." Mikey said, spreading his hands, "to recap all that stuff, you kindof wanted to kill us?"

"Yes?" Donnie frowned. "Now i'm confused." Mikey grinned.

"I think we all get it." leo interrupted, "but that's no reason to say i hate Raph!" Donnie sighed, he hated being the voice.

"Well-"

"Zarr narron," Raph interrupted, "clouded my vision to help funnel my anger. She made you look like you hated me, though you can't brush past the fact that you only tried to convince don until he was healed." Leo winced.

"I...thought he'd be easier." the blue clad leader admitted, "and that with his help i could get to you easier."

"See?" Mikey said, folding his legs into his 'master of everything' sit. "Everything works out perfectly in the end."

"Perfectly." Donnie and Raph repeated in unison. "Right."

"That wasn't creepy at all." Leo remarked, Raph smiled.

"So, what now?"

"What now." the blue clad leader repeated, "good question, i suggest we catch up on our morning training tomorrow." that made the red masked turtle smile wider.

"Good plan." he agreed. "But...then what?"

"Then you get mad at me and we have an argument." Leo decided, his smile spreading wider. "And then MIkey does something stupid and-"

"Hey!" the youngest turtle protested, "that is totally not fair!"

"How so?" Donnie asked, turning to mikey.

"Why can't you do something stupid for once?" Mikey protested, "i always get stuck doing it!" with that they all laughed.

"Fine." leo said, "then donnie will do something stupid-"

"What?" Donnie yelped, "why can't master splinter do something stupid?"

"Alright, master splinter will-" that was when they all broke into laughter.

 _Things took a weird turn for us._

 _No, not at all_

 _That was sarcasm, wasn't it?_

 _Me? Sarcastic? Raph you should know better._

 _Sure…...i know better, i'm sorry please forgive my sin._

 _Hmmm, i'll think about it._

 _I will too._

 ** _dawwww, tender moment at the end! sorry_** ** _about_** **** ** _this bad ending, i just am really bad at ending things. anyway...thanks for reading this far and please review! au revoir!_**


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